Medical stuff (things that make me anxious, part 13)

Being ill fucking sucks. Do you know when being ill sucks more? When you've got raging hypochondria. That's when.  

So I am awake at 2am and I am not partying hard/ making a last minute dash for the 27 club. Nope. Not me. I am panicking.  

Would you like a list of all the things I'm worrying about? (No, of course you don't... there aren't enough words in the world). I'll limit myself to say 10 shall I? Lovely.  

1. My tummy 

There is no way in hell that this level of PAIN is being caused by a stomach bug. I'm being serious, I'm very worried that either a) this is severe stomach pain brought on by a looming migraine and imminent death or b) I have some sort of undiagnosed digestive cancer.  

2. #2 was going to be different but seeing as somebody brought up the C word, I STILL need to be brave enough to call the doctor about my mole. 

3. OMG and my smear. See this probably IS why my tummy hurts.  

Ok so now I'm sad.  

4. My arm 

I fell asleep on the sofa this afternoon. When I woke up I had a pins and needles thing going on in my left hand. Yes, I had been lying on it, but there is no way it could have been that because it was definitely that I am about to have a stroke. My brain told me.  

5. My tummy again 

It really is impressively painful. I wonder if there is an answer on Google somewhere (I'm almost beyond death threat from search engines now, I always expect it to be the worst news possible anyway). I'm scared that all this worrying is going to give me an ulcer. 

6. Indigestion 

I'm having to lie really still so I can feel exactly when I'm next about to have a reflex of acid, and tense up appropriately. I read a book once where a guy on a train dropped dead suddenly. His wife said he had been complaining of acid reflux. 

Of course, it was fictional... but still... 

7. Lump on my arm 

Theres still a weird lump on my arm

8. All my limbs feel weird, which makes me think stroke... 

9. ...But my head hurts, which makes me think aneurysm  

10. And the guy on the train definitely had a heart attack 

actually, come to think about it my chest is hurting too. And it feels all tight. And I'm breathless. And horribly hot/cold.  

BRACE! BRACE!  

Going to try to distract myself by Googling survival rates of tiger attacks.  


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If you haven't already read about my disastrous trip to the opticians, then you definitely should.

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